Anatomical Vocabulary

Dr. Laura Berman, a frequent guest on the Oprah Show, has impressive academic and professional credentials. In the Live Your Best Life family, Dr. Berman is the delightful authority on relationships and sexual well being.

Oprah was recently scolded by Dr. Berman for using the word Va-Jay-Jay, a seemingly great new term that was born on the TV series “Grey’s Anatomy,” when Dr. Miranda Bailey used the expression to refer to her vagina. Though I have used the catchword Va-Jay-Jay without reservation, I was not surprised by Dr. Berman’s genial rebuke of Oprah. Of course, women should use proper terminology rather than cutsie expressions for one of our most cherished body parts. The good doctor explained... A vagina is the part of female anatomy that leads from the uterus to the vulva. A vulva, on the other hand, includes all of the external female genital organs including the labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, and entrance of the vagina.

So what words are politically correct and in what situations?

During normal conversation, it would seem appropriate for an empowered woman to refer to her vagina or vulva depending on the area being discussed. And what about male body part words? There’s penis, scrotum, and testicles. Additionally, colloquial terms are plentiful. Female words (besides Va-Jay-Jay) include: hoohah, pussy, snatch, vertical smile, and honey pot. Male terms include: cock, dick, pecker, shmeckle, and my favorite: wiener. The Urban Dictionary lists lots more terms, some of them not so pretty.

What then is suitable terminology for the bedroom? What words make good sex talk? As I ponder this question, all of the words begin to sound stupid. Correct terms sound sterile, while slang words sound crass. Would it be a cop-out to just point? Use sign language? Draw a picture? I don’t know. I think I'll write to Dr. Berman and ask her; she always has the best answers.

Crystal Healing Bowls

I had the extraordinary pleasure of attending a crystal healing bowl event with Jay Schwed. Rather than provide further verbiage which wouldn’t likely do Jay or his gifts justice, I include herein the video that appears on his website: http://healingcrystalbowls.com

Following a guided crystal bowl meditation with Jay, our group joined him in a healing music jam session. We were invited to bring an instrument if we had one. I brought my own handmade drum made by Sonja Holy Eagle: http://dakotadrum.com/sonja.html It was a magnificent evening spent with like minded individuals.

Jay’s performance schedule is listed on his website. There are some upcoming events in New York City including a performance in Central Park on July 7th as well as others beyond the Big Apple. If you can see Jay in person, I highly recommend doing so.

What’s the point of all this? This is an example of how I pursue my interests. When I do what I love, I’m uplifted and renewed. For me, following my passion includes doing metaphysical things. For others, it may be cooking, reading, skiing, or whatever. Find your passion and fill your life with it. That's what goddesses do.

Goddess Lifestyle: The Back Story

The best part of my new and improved relationship with my husband is the communication upgrade we’ve acquired. We interact on a daily basis in a way I never dreamed possible. My minimum daily requirement for meaningful conversation (M.D.R.M.C.) has always been considerably high. Although, there were many things my honey and I had in common such as our children, extended domestic life, social and political values, the reflective stuff was reserved for like-minded females. Still, I enjoyed the best of both worlds: an adorable, loving, supportive husband and a bevy of accessible, sensitive, verbal women friends.

Which came first… the communication or the sex? I clearly remember the pivotal event, nearly a year and a half ago, that led to the communication and sexual renaissance of my marriage. My husband and I were on one of our rare dates: dinner at our favorite Japanese restaurant. I matter-of-factly asked if he was happy and he answered, “yes, but.” I was surprised to hear a “but.” To make a long story short, he expressed a desire to have more sex. Apparently, his hormones and vitality were stirring, and he felt that our sex life was in mathematical terms: Q.N.S. (quantity not sufficient). In truth, our sex life was measly at best; but I didn’t know anyone (and I mean anyone) who was having abundant, interesting sex.

We returned home at the end of our date, sought out a quiet place (our attic) where the ears of our offspring couldn’t access, and continued to talk. He was diplomatic; I was receptive. He was honest; I was in agreement. He was loving; so was I.

An affectionate kiss concluded our chat… which led to more… that led to much more. It seemed that the floodgates of something extraordinary opened up that night. It was the beginning of an inspired and creative love affair with communication that was to be as good as the sex.

So which came first in the metamorphosis of my marriage… the communication or the sex? My husband would say it was the sex. I’d beg to differ.

Newbie Intro

Newbies (a.k.a. newcomers) may not know what kind of site they’ve stumbled upon when the initial visual is a FrozFruit or Weight Watchers ice cream bar (see below). What kind of site is this?…. they may wonder as they read the words adjacent to the images. She licks FrozFruit off her husband’s what?… they gasp out loud (GOL). It doesn’t look like a porno site… they think as they further scrutinize the entries and observe no nudity or lewdity. Should I read more and see if there’s something to learn or laugh about?… they question with some trepidation.

I write this blog because I’m an everyday woman with an everyday life. I’m a wife of twenty-two years, a mother of two, a kitty aficionado, and a friend to many. I juggle my home life, work life, and passions with some success. I’m into my marriage, children, family life, friends, work, spirituality, yoga, and meditation. Everything that’s important to me falls somewhere within one of these categories.

I’m in an extraordinarily good place in my life. I choose to write about the things I find meaningful, beautiful, healthful, or funny. I choose to write about feel-good topics because I’d rather focus on the positive and discount the negative. If you want to read about my in-laws from hell or how I gained and lost the same fifteen pounds repeatedly over that last thirty years, forgetaboudit. I choose to write about how my life has gone from good to great, and how my husband and I redefined our marriage and cultivated a dynamic & sensual love affair after two decades of marriage.

That being said, IF I CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT TOO!

Astute newbies learn early on that this blog is about a lot more than how to combine the joys of eating sweet treats and oral sex. It’s about womanhood, motherhood, wifedom, friendship, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

I’m an everyday woman with an everyday life. Moreover, I’m an everyday goddess and you can be one too.

Weight Watchers Fun

Weight Watchers Giant Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream Bar

4.0 Fluid Ounces (118 mL each) * One point (that’s right, only one little point) * 110 Calories *Total Fat 1g *Dietary Fiber 5g *Protein 4g

This fabulous frozen treat can easily double as an unbelievably funtastic sex toy if you know How To. Like any other sweet treat, a Weight Watchers Giant Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream Bar can be used to make good oral sex better (or make bad oral sex pretty damn good). It provides the giver with an added incentive for being orally enthusiastic by eating a yummy treat while giving head. It provides the receiver with an incredibly well motivated blow job. This is one of those win – win situations.

Preliminary steps, including foreplay, are omitted deliberately. Guidelines begin at the point at which the receiver is primed and ready to receive.

Take a bite of ice cream and keep it in the forefront of the mouth. Introduce penis to ice cream. Slosh ice cream around playfully with customary ice cream snacking styles. Licking, suckling, and swallowing are standard techniques. Be creative. There’s lots of things you can do with your ice cream. Repeat until there's nothing left on the stick.

Be careful during warm weather when melting might hurry you along. Feel free to use other frozen treats such as FrozFruit Bars (for fruited ice lovers), Tofutti (for ice cream lovers with lactose intolerance), or ice cubes (for those who want a zero calorie good time). Avoid nuts and other additives that can interfere with the plumbing apparatus if caution is not exercised.

Feel free to send success stories to me at everydaygoddess118@gmail.com.

How To Be A Goddess: Step Two

The Art of Creative Living (also known as practicing a goddess lifestyle) necessitates an innovative spin on everything. Most endeavors, when infused with a creative spark, can be improved. Add humor to the mix and the result is extraordinary. You can even reverse a bad mood. Consider the following game an antidote to cheerlessness.

Your partner comes home in a visibly bad mood. You choose to restructure said bad mood with creativity and humor. Together you proceed to a location that’s conducive to mood modification. You play a libidinous goddess game like this:

• Start with a fun concept, something out of the ordinary. How about a green theme?
• Begin your game with a green, mint-flavored condom.
• Brainstorm about things associated with the color green. How about Leprechauns, Fairies, Shamrocks, and Pots of Gold?
• Sometimes, for some people, silliness goes hand in hand with laughter: the elixir of life and love. You’ll know early on if this game is or isn’t working; be prepared to try something else ASAP.
• Introduce a green Lottery scratch off game ticket such as New York’s Double Dollars. If you’re a winner, celebrate. If you’re not a winner this time, celebrate.
• Make Pixie Love or Green Love (whatever that means). You can give your partner a Fairy Blow Job or receive a mouthful of Sprite Cunnilingus. Be creative, erotic, and passionate. Have Fun… Fun… Fun. It's all about having FUN, oodles of sensual FUN!

If the above sounds unappealing or just plain stupid, try something else.

How To Be A Goddess : Step One

One key element required to cultivate the goddess within is the enrichment of self-esteem. In order to be a goddess, it’s important to feel like one, act like one, and know that you are and have always been one.

The Ya-Yas (my childhood, sister-quality friends and I) are celebrating a milestone birthday this year. The age we’ve agreed to disclose is forty-one (a tad more than Jennifer Aniston). This fabrication is obvious to anyone who knows our collective children are teens and young marrieds (some with offspring of their own). In honor of this unspecified milestone, the nucleus of the Ya-Yas (Marilyn, Lois, Barbara, and I) went to The Oasis Day Spa in NYC. I opted for their Signature Aromatherapy Massage... a heavenly Swedish massage with essential oils (I chose the Passion fragrance (of course). Barbara had a massage, Marilyn and Lois chose facials.

Dinner followed at Artisinal, a lovely French bistro, across the street from the spa. We were joined by our friend Rhona, another of our extended childhood group. We ate, drank, reminisced, caught up with our current events, laughed a lot, and had the most wonderful time imaginable. I ordered Passion Tea (of course) and a dessert we shared.

Spa Day (as we call it) demonstrates one way to be a goddess. Treat yourself well. Have fun. And most important, be with people you love as often as possible.

PS: The passion aromatherapy and passion tea contributed passionately to the gloriously happy mood I was in when I got home to my husband.

Goddess Pride

The last time I wrote about Goddess Pride, my working title was “Out Of The Closet.” I was naively surprised to learn that more than a few people thought that meant I was a lesbian. I’m not a lesbian (not that there’s anything wrong with that); I’m a heterosexual goddess. There are plenty of lesbian goddesses out there; I’m just not one of them.

My initial intention in “coming out” was to fully embrace my goddessness and be as open in my hometown as I was in cyber-space. How else I could I be authentic and truly share my secrets and successes as an Everyday Goddess. I commenced dispensing Fruit Roll-Ups (with my web address on them) at the local Shoprite & track, sent blog invitations via e-mail to the Mayor of my town (an incredible woman) & others I knew casually, and signed up on Twitter.com under my real name. There’s no going back into the everydaygoddess.org closet now whether I want to (sometimes) or not.

Shortly after the aforementioned self-outing endeavors as a Goddess/Blogger began in earnest, I started worrying in much the same way that George Costanza of Seinfeld fame worried about everything. What would people think?

What if people in my town knew I was more happily married and in love with my husband of twenty-two years than ever before?

What if the women in my town thought poorly of me for having New-York- Times-Best-Seller-List quality sex with my spouse?

What if the men in my town thought disapprovingly of me for partaking in plentiful pleasures of the flesh with my other-domestic-half?

What if my spelling and grammar skills were lacking?

Did I really care what people thought? Do I care now? Of course I did and do.

Nevertheless, the more feedback I get regarding the improvements others have made in their intimate relationships as a result of knowing me, the greater my pride swells (not my head, just my pride).

Fear Of Goddessness

Phobias are irrational fears that keep people from enjoying various aspects of life. In psycho- babble terms, many individuals experience two common terrors. Fear of failure compels the sufferer to avoid making mistakes by passing up opportunities that might result in disappointment. Fear of success compels the sufferer to avoid opportunities that might result in accomplishments and any undesired repercussions. In either case, the behaviors associated with both fears promote self-defeating actions by utilizing avoidance as a tool to combat success.

Fear of Goddessness has not yet been acknowledged in the literature by professionals who create terms, however, it's a real condition that leads to self-sabotaging actions that oppose one’s goals. Take me for example. I am a Goddess. Despite my gifts, I often engage in self-defeating behavior. Case in point: I dress rather poorly for a working woman in an upscale company in Soho. To say the least, I often wear unstylish jeans and tee shirts that my children have discarded. My dear friend Esther asks the magic question… why?

Am I afraid that good looks, fine grooming, and high-quality style will threaten my relationships? Will women like me less? Will men be attracted to me everywhere I go?

It’s important for women to conquer their Fear of Goddessness and present themselves in a favorable light all of the time. Anyone who wishes to accomplish this goal may do so by following two simple rules:

1. Act in a way that promotes the sense of self you want to project.
2. Get an accountability partner, someone who will give you truthful feedback.

To be or not to be a Goddess, that is the question. Esther, my dear friend and accountability partner, always gives me a reality check. Do I look like a goddess, or do I look like an eyesore? By now I know, even when she’s not there, if I would get a yay or nay.

Iris

Iris is NOT a person.

Iris is a vibrator that I purchased in a lovely, upscale shop in SoHo. It came with the name; I’m way beyond naming my electronic devices or automobiles. The sales person who assisted me was delightful, supportive, and helpful. She matter-of-factly described the plentiful styles, colors, and features available; it was very hard to choose. But choose I did. I selected Iris over Gigi, Liv, Laya, The Iconic Rabbit, and more, lots more. A previous purchase, SaSi, was so complicated that it was impossible to figure out even though it came with an instruction manual. I’m hoping Iris serves me better.

Iris is a silicone, cordless, pink vibrator which provides several different sensations and intensities. It also comes in a nice shade of blue. Silicone is hypoallergenic, has no taste or smell, and is dishwasher safe. It’s the safest and most durable material currently used for personal toys. It comes in a gift box with a charger, user manual, and satin travel pouch. It’s even guaranteed by the manufacturer for one-year.

Vibrators are great to use alone or with a partner. Creativity, as always, makes the experience more enjoyable. They are available online (descriptions would have to suffice in order to make a selection) or in stores (which may be high or low-class depending on location and management).

Every woman should own a vibrator and know how to have an orgasm (with or without a partner).

Work, Pray, Love

Quality of life rests largely on maintaining a healthy balance of lifestyle elements. I’m one of those lucky employees who takes as much pleasure in their job as a treasured hobby. I’m not writing this because my (male) boss will read these words; this is not a kiss up. In fact, I hope he never reads these pages; the content is far too spicy to have my boss read it. This blog is fundamentally written for the benefit of women… Enlightened... Empowered... Women.

My employer endures my atypical ways without question. I create sacred space every morning that I’m at work. I set the loving intention that all those who visit my office BE joyfully replenished. The air is scented and I play background music throughout the day. Much of it is traditional Hindu chanting sung by my two favorite singers: Deva Premal and Krishna Das. I also play R. Carlos Nakai and John Huling, both Native American musicians. For all intents and purposes, I’m praying and meditating all day.

Most important are the people I work with. They are primarily young though a few are older. I love it when any of them stop by my office for a visit, whether it’s work related or personal. They all bring out my maternal instincts, even those who are older than I. Sharing the details of their lives enriches mine. Of course, I'm happy to give advice, another of my favorite pastimes.

I love the commute; it’s my reading time. I love my morning latte; those first mouthfuls of flavorful caffeine are the best of the day. I love my lunchtime; the office is a refreshing walk to a Whole Foods Salad Bar. I love the work; I’m never bored. I love my job, my boss, my co-workers, and the neighborhood in which I work…I love the whole shebang.

Do I have the perfect situation? Is this an example of how a positive attitude actually works? Have I employed the laws of attraction and manifested this ideal environment? Yes, Yes, and Yes!

Substance Abuse

Despite the fact that the voice in my head, at the moment, belongs to Sarah Jessica Parker, as her award winning character from Sex and the City, I do not have Multiple Personality Disorder. There are only two imaginary voices I hear while I write: Carrie Bradshaw and Oprah Winfrey. It doesn’t matter that Carrie is a fictional heroine, or that Oprah is a real one. It’s just part of my creative process. Today, I hear Carrie.

Since the beginning of the Sex and the City series, I’ve identified most with Carrie, except for the fashion and hair. I’m a writer. When I was youngish and single, I had an apartment in New York City, and I’ve always enjoyed and valued the camaraderie of my close women friends. Conversely, the major difference between me and Carrie is that my husband was a much easier catch than Mr. Big.

I’m unexpectedly swept up in a wave of worry, to the extent, that I feel like a neurotic character in a Woody Allen film. The assortment of concerns are plentiful and not without some good points.

Now, think of Carrie Bradshaw’s voice-over as she writes her column.

Can giving regular, lengthy, delicious oral sex wear down (or off) the skin of your partner’s private epidermis?

There is merit to my many fears. I’ve never fully researched the ingredients in the substances I’ve enjoyed and recommended. Sour Patch Kids gummies, for example, have a very rough sour-sugar coating, much like sandpaper. Too many Sour Patch Kids could easily wear down sensitive skin. Atomic Fireballs are hot cinnamon suckers that can burn a mouth if overdone. Fruit Roll-Ups require a great deal of oral action to fully remove them from delicate nether skins. And what’s in those chocolate calcium disks anyway?

Other than potentially corrosive ingredients in made-to-be-edible products, my concerns include the material used in flavored condoms. Allergies to latex are common; and artificial flavors and colors couldn’t possibly be without risk. Furthermore, tongues are somewhat rough and can be irritating to delicate tissue if used to excess. And don’t forget how terrible chapped lips can feel. I could go on, but I think these are enough worries for one day.

Clearly, too much substance enhanced oral sex can be hazardous to your health. The dual danger is that substance abuse can damage the giver’s mouth as well as the receiver’s genitalia if prudence is not exercised. Though substances can be Fun, Fun, Fun, using them wisely requires Caution.

Fun & Games

Imagination is well served when playing sensual games in the bedroom, attic, or wherever couples engage in sexual recreation. It requires letting go of inhibitions, a jubilant perspective regarding carnal delights, and a desire to mix fun with intimacy.

 Who’s the Best?   A Game Idea

 Where?  A private location in which to play

 Who?  Two players, one is the benefactor, the other is the beneficiary

 Who Else?  Fantasy bedfellows

 Why?  For fun

 How?  The benefactor chooses two key elements of the game: the sensual act to be performed and the fantasy bedfellows. Imaginary guests may be selected from people you know, celebrities of any stature, literature, or from anywhere the imagination can fly. The benefactor must do her or his very best interpretation of the selected character's sexual performance.

When the act is complete (whatever that means to the players), the benefactor asks the beneficiary “Who was the best?”  Be sure to propose at least two competitors.  Feel free to include yourself in the mix.

 The winner of the game:  Both players!

P.S.  Some of my most memorable and funnest guests include: Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Helen Mirren, and more than a few Disney Princesses such as Ariel (The Little Mermaid), Jasmine (from Aladdin), and Pocahontas.  Visual aides that enhance the game are encouraged.

My all time favorite:  Ariel

My Sweetie’s all time favorite: ME

Enough said.

Jyoti Chrystal 1944-2009

“Even the gorgeous royal chariots wear out; and indeed this body too wears out. But the teaching of goodness does not age; and so Goodness makes that known to the good ones."     -Theravada Buddhist death chant-

Jyoti Chrystal was a dearly loved Wife, Mother, Teacher, Yogi, and Shaman. She was the Founder and Director of Starseed in Montclair, NJ which is (according to their mission statement) ''an educational center for yoga and wellness dedicated to providing a space of unconditional love, support and acceptance in which people may explore pathways to fulfillment of their highest potential as human beings.'' 

Jyotima left her earthly body on April 11th and so began the next journey of her spirit.  In life she was an amazing woman and I trust she is significantly more than that wherever she is now.

Pledges of service are being made in Jyoti’s honor.  

I pledge to live lovingly and with the generosity of my riches (words, deeds, and currency).

Sensual Profiling

If sensual profiling was a crime, I would no doubt be found guilty on numerous counts. This is a sad admission for me since I aspire to be unbiased in all venues.

Most days, I have in my purse about a half dozen Fruit Roll-Ups with my everydaygoddess.org sticker.  I hand them out as I see fit to women who are attractive, stylish, youngish rather than oldish, those wearing skinny jeans, and anyone else I deem sexy and potentially receptive to the substance of my blog.  Obviously, this is an exceedingly subjective process.

I wonder if I saw a woman on line at Starbucks, who looked exactly like me, whether or not I’d give her one of my fruit snacks.  Truth be told, I think not. I would believe she was not pretty enough, too old, or simply just not the type to give the best head on the planet.  How erroneous sensual profiling can be!

I am a Goddess… an Everyday Goddess.  I don’t have to be an A-list-look-a-like with perfect make-up and designer clothes.  I can be who I am… an extraordinary, ordinary woman who is in touch with her inner goddess… something every woman can do.

So… if you meet me on line at Starbucks, or just walking down the street, and I give you a Fruit Roll-Up, know that I either think you’re really HOT looking, or I’ve overcome my discriminatory tendencies.

Live YOUR Best Life

Of all the people I don’t know, I love Oprah the most. If there’s anyone reading this who doesn’t know who Oprah Winfrey is, I’d bet dollars to donuts, they just arrived from outer space (or a very rural location with no TV) and was handed a Fruit Roll-Up at a Starbucks with my web address on it.  I think every living, breathing woman, of any age, should be watching her show, reading O, The Oprah Magazine, or visiting her website.    

Despite her own mortal issues, Oprah is the epitome of a Goddess. I could list her many earthly gifts as well as the qualities of spirit she embodies, however, that might make me sound like a goodie gal who’s lobbying for a guest appearance (which I am not). When I’m feeling bold enough though, I hear Oprah (in the ear of my imagination) reading one of my blog entries as a prelude to my introduction. I contemplate the various themes for which I might have something to contribute. Resurrecting a lost libido? How to give your best blow job?  The Goddess make-over show? 

The Oprah Universe offers a wide-ranging collection of resources from which you can learn about everything from global issues to hormone replacement therapy and the whole lot in between.  Her Live Your Best Life series regularly provides tools, to improve health, relationships, spirituality, sexuality, and finances… everything that’s relevant, entertaining, or funny… everything you’d want to discuss with your best friend.  

It’s my daily tribute to Oprah, America’s Best Friend, to live MY best life.