Sunday, May 31, 2009

Sex And The Food Network

Picture this:

There are two TVs on a long… low… table at the foot of a futon in a love nest upstairs. 

She’s watching the TV to the right.  The Food Network is playing (Rachel Ray’s 30 Minute Meals).

He’s watching the TV to the left.  Gerard Damiano’s adult film is playing (Never So Deep starring Loni Sanders).

She rests her head midway between his stomach and chest.  Her hand glides…  her mouth slides… wherever and however. He’s turned on and happy beyond his wildest marital expectations; so is She.

Intermittently, She looks over at his movie. If the scene is sensually appealing, She watches. If there’s copious pubic hair, gooey mucous membranes, or anything else She finds unsightly, She turns back to her show.  Now and then, He redirects his eyes from his movie, to the enchantress at his loins, to Rachel Ray and back to his adult film.

She focuses on the Flank Steak Pinwheels on her screen as She feasts on him.  His eyes are closed.   

They love watching The Food Network together, often while watching an adult film.  Rachel Ray is the family favorite and is watched downstairs in the living room as often as upstairs in private.  They love everything about her, her quirky vocabulary, her endearing mannerisms, her adorable smile, and more.

She wonders though, would Rach be delighted or offended at the thought of being included in the attic frolics?  They both hope she’d be delighted.

Mood Music

Background music is generally an ambiance enhancer. Whether it’s elevator music, mall music, or just my everyday Windows Media Player music, I love the effect it has on my being. I especially take pleasure in listening to spiritual music. When I listen to chanting in my cozy office at work, I feel peaceful, focused, and productive. Deva Premal and Krishna Das are two of my favorite vocal artists. I have many of their CDs and love them all. I’ve been to several Krishna Das events and look forward to seeing Deval Premal on stage (hopefully this year).

Love is Space by Deva Premal was the first CD my lover and I listened to in our love nest in the attic. When the cut Ide Were Were began, I immediately knew this was the perfect song for the perfect mood. The lyrics found below are phonetic.

Ide were were nita ochun

Ide were were

Ide were were nita ochun

Ide were were nita ya

Ocha kiniba nita ochun

Cheke cheke cheke

Nita ya

Ide were were

Ochun is the goddess of love. The chant speaks about a necklace which is a symbol of the initiation into love. (Yoruba, West Africa)

The placement and movement of my hands, lips, and mouth on my lover’s instrument came naturally as I engaged myself fully in the music and lyrics. It was perfection.

I later asked my husband if he got anything out of the chant. He said that though the music was nice, he didn’t get much out of it. He did, however, enjoy the heavenly activity that accompanied the song. That’s okay because this is really all about me and expressing myself as a Goddess. The fact that this is as wonderful for him is the icing on the cake.

Saturday, May 30, 2009


Glamour Magazine conducted an “Extra-Steamy Man Survey” in which men were asked the following question:

If your girlfriend could be good at only one of the following, at which would you want her to excel, oral sex, cooking, or sports?

Depending on your values, the results might or might not surprise you:

48% said Oral sex, 45% said Cooking, and 7% said Sports.

I’m inclined to wonder about the 7% who value sports over oral sex. Furthermore, as an avid eater, I think I could understand someone who chose cooking. But then again, who am I to judge?

Fortunately for me, my darling husband prefers the oral pleasures and rituals I’ve created to entertain him and his beloved penis. Though I can cook, I enjoy the act only on the rarest of occasions. I don’t understand football, I find baseball boring, and the only sport I enjoy watching is figure skating, not my husband’s favorite, by a long shot.

My honey recently affirmed what I’ve often speculated. If I continue to do what I’ve been doing, as often as I’ve been doing it; he wouldn’t care if I did nothing else but give him head. I could probably quit my job (not that I want to), stop doing household chores completely (which I nearly have accomplished), and spend my days doing yoga, meditating, working out, watching my favorites TV programs, and enjoying the adventures my friend Debra orchestrates.

For the record, I am not a sex object, nor am I solely out to please my man. I am an equal-rights, equal-orgasm, Liberal Democrat with all the trimmings… a Woman who’s still learning how to balance her happiness in the home and out.

Problems arise in relationships when values clash. If you’re an enthusiastic and gifted cook but your husband has a limited palate, you might be in trouble. If your husband is into attending frequent sports events as the seasons change, and you’d rather give him a candy coated blow job, you might have a problem. You see where I’m going here?

The moral of this story is, if you like to cook, find a partner who likes to eat. If you like to watch or participate in sports, find a partner who enjoys the same. And if you have a partner who likes oral sex, you can perfect your skills with experimentation and creativity.

Verbal Skills

Storytelling can be a marvelous fantasy tool as a prelude or postlude to sex play. A couple can engage in sensory stimulation using words and creativity without actually doing anything too weird or socially unacceptable.  An anecdote such as the one below can be told in the first person or otherwise. Fine points can be highly erotic or mildly suggestive. Bits of real life may be embellished or details can be completely fabricated, whatever feels best.

Late one night, I told my husband the following story as if I were describing the highlights of my day: 

Rachel, a co-worker, invited me to join her and some friends at Alta, a Mediterranean restaurant, in the West Village. We sat in a cozy booth near the fireplace and ordered an assortment of dishes to share. The goat cheese fritters with lavender honey was incredible and the crabmeat cannelloni was to die for.  Conversation flowed as easily as the red sangria. I sat between a Spaniard (who looked dashing in his tight, black leather pants, a perfect body obvious) and his Wife (who was goddess quality gorgeous, a dark haired beauty with striking eyes a memorable shade of turquoise). 

The Spaniard flirted shamelessly with me from the get go. As the alcohol relaxed whatever inhibitions we came in with, conversation turned sexual. The Spaniard moved closer to me and soon thereafter he began speaking softly into my ear, his lips occasionally brushing the side of my face and neck. His hand brushed my knee. Then the touching began in earnest, above my knee and then towards my thigh. I received his advances reluctantly at first, but the more I drank, the more receptive I became…

As I continued my story, I got progressively more graphic while hands-on activity accentuated the best parts of the tale. Storytelling works best with visual people.  A tasty alcoholic beverage can further enhance one's frame of mind.

Sensual Meditation

Being present is a state of mind in which you are fully in the moment with no thought of past or future.  The objective is to turn your attention to a single point of awareness.  In so doing, you may achieve a higher state of consciousness, self-awareness, or find peacefulness within. Various practices such as yoga, meditation, and prayer rely on a repetitive action that draws the devotee into the here and now. 

Little did I know when I started to develop my repertoire of oral interests and skills that a style of sensual meditation would emerge.  It might sound a bit over the top to equate cock sucking meditation with prayer; however, it truly is an amazing method that's as fantastic for the meditated upon as it is for the meditator.

Sensual Meditation Recipe:  

  • Begin to perform oral sex in the usual fashion.  Do what’s familiar; creativity will come later. 
  • Visual, musical, olfactory, confectionery, and erotic props are best introduced early in the practice session. (WARNING:  This is NOT the time to experiment with hard candy or anything that presents a choking hazard. Chocolate works well in these situations). 
  • Take several deep breaths.  Inhale and exhale fully and slowly. 
  • Clear your mind to the best of your ability.
  • Select a prayer or mantra that has significance to you. You can create one of your own (as I did) or use one you already know. There's nothing inherently wrong with reciting the rosary if this is the only prayer you know. This act isn't sacrilegious.
  • Repeat the prayer or mantra silently for as many times as it takes to relax. 
  • Focus your attention on your prayer or mantra as you feast on your lover’s nether parts. 
  • Let go of all thought and BE mindlessly and serenely lost in the moment.         

This is my prayer, my mantra: 

Surround me and my beloved with the sacred love and light of our angels and guides in concert with the loving presence of the Divine.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

George Clooney & Me

Men have been known to fantasize about other women while making love to their wives or girlfriends.  Women, on the other hand, have been culturally discouraged (probably by men) from the same thought process. Fantasy, nevertheless, can be lots and lots of fun; and a good time that’s had by all (at nobody’s expense) is a pretty high-quality ambition.

At the right angle, with the lights down low, my adorable husband looks like George Clooney.  From time to time, while peeking out from unfocused, squinty eyes, all I can see is my darling’s profile and his close cropped salt & pepper hair.  From that perspective, he’s a dead ringer for George.  

It wouldn’t be a far cry for Oprah to turn a sexual encounter with Stedman Graham into a heated moment with Will Smith.  It would, however, be a greater stretch for Rhea Perlman to experience Danny DeVito as Antonio Banderas… a greater stretch yes, impossible?… of course not. It might simply require a bit more squinting, less light, or possibly a few cocktails before hand.

I still find my husband very attractive although he looks quite different than he did when we got married. Our happy nuptial photo features him with the most striking head of dark curly hair and a thick dark moustache. How dazzling he looked in his tuxedo… YOWZA!

Most of the time, I see my husband as he is now, still adorable, with salt & pepper hair.  When I’m in the mood for a change of scenery, I utilize my fantasy tools to conjure up the likes of George Clooney, Richard Gere, or Shah Rukh Kahn, the Bollywood movie star (none of whom bear any resemblance whatsoever to my honey).

Goddess Palette

We women are ALL Goddesses at the core of our BEing.  We can awaken the spirit of our inner Goddess so that we can BE all that we are meant to BE.  We each have an individual path. For some of us, it’s about religion or spirituality.  For others, it’s about connecting with nature. The expression of our uniqueness grows rich from the array of elements that bring out our best qualities… our Goddess Self.

Make a list of the things you love, the things you know are connected to your highest good.  Your Goddess Self lies within that inventory. 

Things that make me a Goddess:

  1. My husband and children
  2. The Ya-Yas
  3. Baba Ya-Ya (family)
  4. My friends the Yogi and the Shaman and our “field trips”
  5. My two > ^..^<
  6. My job, my office, and the people I work with 
  7. Esther the Tester
  8. My beautiful Yoga
  9. Meditation
  10. My attic hideaway
  11. Candy 
  13. My Osho (tarot) cards
  14. Deva Premal and Krishna Das spiritual music
  15. Days Of Our Lives (my soap opera)
  16. Oprah Winfrey
  17. Early morning walks and talks with my friend Dotsie
  18. Incense and soy candles
  19. Kaballah
  20. Pachamama, the Goddess of Flat Rock Brook
  21. My spirit guides, angels, mermaids, and fairy friends
  22. Every success in facilitating the connection of women to their inner Goddess

First Step

I admit that I am powerless over my addiction to candy and that my life has become unmanageable.

Like most other addicts, for reasons I don’t fully understand, I have lost my power of choice to sweets.  My willpower is non-existent and I have become defenseless against that first fun-size MilkyWay or Hershey’s Kiss. In the moment, I fail to remember that consuming too much candy, especially chocolate, sooner or later makes me feel terrible and gives me gas.

The realization of my addiction came a few days ago as I began to initiate another round of fabulous chocoholic fellatio in the love loft. What’s even worse, than realizing I have reached rock bottom in the candy sector of my love life, is that my beloved husband has become my enabler. Even after telling him that I must stop using our candy rations, he brought home a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.  He apparently cares less about my addiction and well-being than he does about his own pleasure.

I’ve assured my sweetie that there are other treats in store for him if he supports my candy abstinence.  I suggested that if he helps me reach my goal weight (118 pounds), I will reward him with my oral delights using a full-size MilkyWay bar.  I know this is an appalling plan.  It’s like a recovering alcoholic rewarding herself with an orgy of Lemon Drop Martinis!


I Adore Adora

Adora is a chocolate calcium supplement that has 500 mg of calcium carbonate, 100 IU of Vitamin D, and 400 mcg of Vitamin K.  My friend Dotsie discovered these milk and dark chocolate discs (for traditional use) and gave me a sample.  I was pleasantly surprised to find it was as scrumptious (in ALL ways) as a Hershey’s Kiss.

For those of you who’ve just learned about, I employ artist-quality techniques that include using candy to give unbelievably fantastic head. Simply put, the candy is artistically applied and creatively consumed. What’s unique about my methodology is that it works as well for the giver as it does the receiver.

My husband and I have a difference of opinion as to which is a superior sex-toy:  the Adora vitamin or the Hershey’s Kiss. He’s partial to Kisses because the "visuals" work better for him.

I was hooked after just one Adora disc. It’s a yummy treat that’s healthy for my bones.  What could be better than that?  Though it’s 30 calories and one Weight Watcher's point, I never count the calories or  points even though I know I should.  

Everyone needs calcium, not just women.  It’s an essential nutrient for bone health and it’s good for muscles, nerves, and blood. I’ve already put my husband on notice. I plan to partake in these tasty vitamin supplements on a regular basis and I can’t imagine consuming them in the traditional way.  I hardly think he’ll have an objection.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Fruit Roll-Ups

A Fruit Roll-Up is a tasty little fruit snack that can double as a sex toy if you know the particulars. It can be applied to your partner’s penis (or other anatomical location) as follows: tear off strips of fruit roll and wrap them around the head, shaft (or wherever). When the strips are moistened in place by licking, they readily adhere to the skin. It can thus be creatively snacked off in an enjoyable manner… and it’s as much fun for the snacker as it is for the snackee.

Fruit Roll-Ups come in various flavors, colors, and designs. My personal favorite is “Crazy Pix, Wild Ones, Blastin’Berry, Camouflage.” It’s a scrumptious little treat that’s 50 calories, one point, zero grams of saturated & trans fat, and has Vitamin C. It’s a healthy, fun, and novel way to enjoy giving a blow job. It gives new meaning to the expression, “love the skin you’re in!”

The General Mills website lists 41 different flavors and/or styles of Fruit Roll-Ups, Fruit By The Foot, Fruit Gushers, and Fruit Shapes. Though not among my favorites, Gushers and Shapes require different labial and lingual techniques worthy of exploration.

Believe it or not, you can create custom Fruit Roll-Ups with photos from your computer and a personal message. Be advised here that orders with “questionable images and messages” will not be processed. As long as you keep your custom design and message “family friendly,” the Fruit Roll-Up police will never know how you are using your snack.

Betty Crocker would probably roll over in her grave…. or maybe she’d just laugh out loud.

Warnings And Disclaimers

Caution must always be exercised by the artist when partaking in the candy arts of oral sex.  Reckless enjoyment of hard candies (in particular) could be a choking hazard.  Likewise, aspirated candy spittle juices could result in dry drowning. 

Imagine how you would feel if you were saved by your local rescue squad following a frantic 911 call. The scene might go something like this:

OPERATOR:  911 what is your emergency?

NAKED RECIPIENT OF BJ:  My wife is choking on a sour ball, come quickly

OPERATOR:  Is she breathing?

NAKED RECIPIENT OF BJ:  I can’t tell; her mouth is still attached to my ummmm, errrr…

Do you think that EMT workers or hospital personnel would respect HIPA privacy regulations with a story like that?  Your tale could easily end up on the 6 o’clock news with a great deal of bleeping, as a joke in David Letterman’s monologue, or on the Internet with every embarrassing detail and then some.

Women, who are inspired to their full Goddess potential, may find their sexual partners disinterested or hostile.  This could be due to medical conditions or drug side effects that render the receiver unable to respond as desired. Disinterest can generally be worked with while overt hostility is more of a problem.

Candy contains calories, lots of them, and may be full of saturated fat.  Wanton use of confections could result in obesity, diabetes, or heart disease.  Sugarless products are an alternative.

Everyday Goddess is not to be held responsible for failed use of candy, medical mishaps, or relationship issues that result from the use of any techniques I employ. 


The line up of sweets in our upstairs hide-a-way is neatly arranged by category: soft candy, hard candy, chocolate, and other. I’m sure some would consider me a bit OCD, but; I prefer to think of myself as Organized, Creative, and Delicious. My interest in and talent for combining oral sex with eating candy is pure genius. I have on hand: Gushers, Jolly Ranchers, Honey-filled Drops, Nips Parfaits (Peanut Butter, Mocha, & Chocolate), Truffles, MilkyWays, Three Musketeers, and Hershey’s Kisses (three kinds). Absent from the current array are: Fruit Roll-Ups, Sour Patch Kids, Gummy Worms, and Peppermint Patties. Some have been successful ventures and others not so much. The successes are enjoyed and repeated while the failures provide at least a good laugh. It may sound like it’s all about the candy for me, but it really isn’t. It’s just one technique I’ve perfected as a Master Fellatrice.

And how did I achieve my self-proclaimed elevated status? I acquired my gifts, quite by accident via Pavlovian or Respondent Conditioning. I consistently (and without intent) paired the enjoyment of mouth-watering treats with oral sex. Over time, much research, and many candies, I realized that I’d come to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE giving head. My husband was (and is) deliriously happy and so am I. It came as quite a surprise even to me when I began to initiate sex. That’s what I’d call an about face.

Our candy indulgences are sometimes the appetizer, the main course, or the dessert of our lovemaking. Though it may sound excessively “mushy,” the time I spend with my husband is a feast of verbal, emotional, and sensual delights.

Be careful what you do repeatedly. You just might Pavlov yourself!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Ya-Yas And Yogis

I LOVE stories about friendship. Some of my favorite books and movies include Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and Sex and the City.  I’ve valued friends as far back as I can remember; maybe because I was an only child, or maybe because I was just lucky enough to always have great friends.

The primary Ya-Yas (Marilyn, Lois, and Barbara) date back to my elementary and junior high school days.  Then there’s the secondary Ya-Yas (the other Gail, Natalie, and miscellaneous others from that era)  who join us for occasional events.  Some of my fondest memories are of experiences shared with the girls.  My Sweet 16 party at Tom’s Restaurant  in the Bronx, learning how to use a tampon at Lois’ house with (similarly inexperienced) advisors seated outside the door, and chatting over a Sara Lee Chocolate Swirl Pound Cake are just a few of the memories that still make me smile from the inside out.  

The Yogis (Debra, Maryanne, and others from our yoga circle) are the friends from now with whom I share yoga (of course), meditation, chanting, excursions to natural environments, shamanic journeys, and assorted metaphysical dabbles.  We welcome new adventures and celebrate our group-goddessness with divine inspiration and uplifting humor.

There are special others, neither Ya-Yas nor Yogis, who are worthy of mention including my cousin Wendy, Beth & Judi from college, Lisa Marie, and my unique friend Jan.  

My women friends continually inspire me to be my best self.

Farrah Fawcett: A Warrior Goddess

I’ve bought and displayed a single poster in my lifetime. It was the iconic swimsuit pinup poster of Farrah Fawcett. I must have known instinctively (way before I was aware of earthly Goddesses) that Farrah Fawcett was one. Her youthful beauty was astounding. It wasn’t just her hair or perfect teeth; it was something intangible, some inner quality that’s grown more exquisite with time.
I watched ''Farrah’s Story'', the video diary chronicling her battle with anal cancer. The documentary, though painful to watch at times, was insightful and poignant. Farrah Fawcett is a Warrior Goddess: Brave, Bold, and more Beautiful than ever. Clearly, beauty is far more than what’s visible to the eye.
It is with admiration and sadness that I pay tribute to Farrah Fawcett on my humble e-pages. Her desire and ability to help others even as she slipped away from vitality is worthy of reverence.
There is no death, just a passage from one journey to the next. What remains for those who are left behind are the luminous memories that live on.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Oral Sex: A Weight Watcher's Dream

Dr. Laura Berman, sex therapist and author, referred to the following statistic on The Oprah Show.  “Of the 89% of women who engage in giving oral sex, 43% say they enjoy it; 44% say they do it just for him, and the rest don’t like it.”  Moreover, Dr. Berman said of oral sex, “it can deliver an intimate, intense sexual bond that has the power to enhance your entire relationship.” 

It’s no secret that men LOVE receiving oral sex.  Women who don’t naturally enjoy giving head can learn to LOVE it by acquiring a more conducive mindset along with a creative technique. 

The Goal:  To enjoy performing the art of fellatio as much as (or even more) than the recipient.

Note:  This is NOT about giving your partner pleasure, though this is a byproduct and a natural outcome (no pun intended).

Example:  Incorporate your favorite candy when performing oral sex.  Even Weight Watchers like me can use sweets as long as the points are accounted for.  I’ve lost thirteen pounds since my Goddess days began.  My sex life is but a single, yet integral part of my spiritually positive, weight-loss negative existence.

Note:  My husband (the primary grocery shopper) and I (the occasional impulse buyer) have fun selecting products for sensual enjoyment.  Whatever we’ve played with is generally (in the moment) the best and yummiest experience ever.  A fun-size (appropriately named) MilkyWay is thus far my all-time favorite. It’s a two point candy bar, the perfect size for a single use.  We Weight Watchers often don’t do well with leftovers. It doesn’t take much imagination to figure out how to use a fun-size MilkyWay while giving great head.

Conclusion:  I think I get the better end of the deal (by having a succulent candy moment) while my husband thinks he did better (by receiving an extraordinary, well-motivated BJ)!



Gift Of Gab

I have loved to talk as far back as I can remember.  When I was in elementary school, my report card nearly always showed a nasty red N (needs improvement) in conduct.  Some teachers complained that I was an “incessant” talker.  I don’t recall ever being reprimanded by my parents for this. Perhaps they instinctively knew that one day chatting would be one of my favorite activities.

That being said, I talk (and listen) to individuals everywhere I go, be it on line at the supermarket, sitting on the "W" train, or with people I know (casually or close). I love the stories and the genuine exchange that often takes place.  Sometimes it’s only a brief encounter, and other times it’s lengthy.  Either way, I’m happy to make a connection.

Intimate secrets are time and again revealed to me by individuals I meet for the first time and those I know well.  I never repeat what’s told to me in confidence.  I love to give advice whether I’m asked for it or not (though I’m working on the skill to just listen and give my opinion only when asked).

I admit I was relieved to learn that other women were not having great sex.  In fact, many of the women I spoke with weren’t having any sex at all.  I could easily relate to that.  In my pre-Goddess days, I was having irregular, obligatory sex with my husband of two decades.  It was just enough to feel like a typical married couple. Redux

I began the original website late last year.  It was out there in the Blogisphere for six months.  Due to technical reasons beyond my control, the site was forever lost.  Fortunately, the contents of my blog were retrievable.

Reposting blog entries, one by one, would not generally be my idea of a good time.  However, in the interest of demonstrating how an unspoiled attitude yields positive results, I will revisit my stories, individually, retest all items that appear noteworthy, and record them as quickly as possible.   I seek perfection in conveying the fine points of my journey into Goddessness so that you, the reader, can follow my lead and be the Goddess you were meant to be.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Welcome To

"I open fully to myself" is the affirmation I speak with others in my yoga class as we hold The Goddess pose. By connecting to my inner Goddess, all areas of my life from the boardroom to the bedroom have improved dramatically. I've reinvented myself, revitalized my marriage, and rebooted my libido. Life is good.

The purpose of this blog is to provide a living template that will unquestionably improve communication between partners when creatively applied. I’ve tested and retested my materials and techniques using the scientific method. Consider this website an online tutorial in the intimate relationship arts and sciences.

Much to my husband’s chagrin, this is a high-class website. I’ve told my sweetheart he can keep his porn fantasies, however, they aren't for public consumption... and for the record, I always practice what I preach!