Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Prelude To An Empty Nest

My husband and I began discussing the impending prelude to our empty nest in July. Our beautiful daughter, then home for summer vacation, was to be a college senior at the end of August. Our strapping son was looking forward, nearly as much as we were, to his freshman year at a university two hours away from home. Life was good. We knew this empty nest was only a temporary respite since children such as ours generally return home for spontaneous visits, scheduled vacations, and an eventual post graduation homecoming. My honey and I have had enough mental health training to maintain a genuinely positive approach to our children’s separation & individuation; and we truly look forward to the day they both have wonderful jobs, relationships, and apartments in New York City.

Our empty nest got off to a bad start following my beloved’s unexpected health crisis. Just as we were beginning to cope with the physical and emotional side effects of the situation and appreciate our joint solitude, our much loved children began returning home for unscheduled week-end visits (so far two for each offspring, but who's counting). Last Friday, while I was out to dinner with friends in the Soho/Village area, I received a text message from my boy saying he’d come home and taken my car. He subseqently saw friends, slept, and spent some quality time with us (his adoring parents) on Sunday before going back to school.

This week-end, it was our daughter who returned home. We celebrated her belated birthday with a lovely dinner out, addressed some issues (which she’d kill me if I revealed), shopped for her groceries while she took a nap, and returned her to school before week-end traffic got out of hand.

It appears that once our children are back at school and we are home alone, my sweetie and I high-tail it up to our attic love nest with the swiftness and desire of high school lovers whose parents just left for an evening out. It’s during these times that we have the most fun, laugh the hardiest, and make the sweetest love.

For those of you with young children, who believe those scary stories about the empty nest syndrome, be assured that there are happier alternatives… especially if you’re a goddess and her man.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

No Quality Time To Write: A Crappy Excuse

Excuses for my lapse in communication/blog posts:
  • No time
  • Inertia
  • Procrastination
  • Angst
  • Work
  • One last (not so great) beach day of the season with yoga friends
  • Unexpected visit from daughter
More material coming very soon.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Kissing 301: Making Out

Making out is a superlative kissing technique. A make 0ut session generally includes prolonged, intimate, mouth-to-mouth contact administered passionately. The touching of supplementary body parts (reciprocated or not) is normally part of these oral festivities. Skilled maker outers understand the importance of including erogenous zones (EZs) in the make out mix because they understand that EZs are filled with nerve endings that heighten arousal. When a make out session commences foreplay with intent to consummate a sexual act, extensive contact with at least one partner’s erogenous zones are more likely get participants from Point A (arousal) to Point B (bliss).

The potency of erogenous zones is variable. While some individuals are turned on when their EZs are kissed, nibbled, licked, touched, and/or caressed; others are completely turned off. Trial and error are necessary to determine what works and what doesn’t. Common female EZs (beyond the genitalia) include ears, neck, nipples, breasts, and inner thighs. See http://living.oneindia.in/kamasutra/spice-up/erogenouszones.html for ideas.

Common male EZs (all secondary to the almighty penis) include scalp, lips, small of the back, and perineum. Though men are generally penis driven, they do respond to and enjoy the stimulation of other less celebrated EZs. See http://www.wdxcyber.com/male-er.html for pointers (pun intended).

The overall vitality of an intimate relationship (e.g. marriage) can be assessed by the amount, nature, and duration of kissing that occurs on a regular basis. Couples whose kissing repertoire consists of brief pecks on the cheek or mouth may be in trouble. There are, however, couples with an active sex life who avoid kissing for reasons only they are privy to. Perhaps one partner has bad breath or gingivitis. Whatever the reason, the particulars of making out (or not) is based on personal preferences that should always be respected in a relationship.

My daily, weekly, and monthly kissing encounters have increased dramatically since my goddess days began to unfold. There’s always daily pecking, even under the worst conditions (infrequent marital discord and hospitalization included). Five to Ten second kissing by and large gives rise (no pun intended) to making out which is either enjoyed as an act in itself or as the beginning of other carnal creations. I leave you with the following words of wisdom:

Kissing is like drinking salted water. You drink, and your thirst increases. ~ Chinese Proverb

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sweet Or Silly?

It was my darling daughter’s twenty-second birthday yesterday. She’s away at school so I didn’t get to see her, hug her, or kiss her. My only communication with her was a phone call during which I sang a wistful Happy Birthday.

Today I’m home alone, enjoying my solitude, without feeling obliged to do any housework whatsoever. Instead of playing my standard musical favorites while dancing around the living room, I listened to the cheerful music of Raffi Cavoukian, the Canadian singer-songwriter once referred to as the most popular children’s entertainer in the western world” (Washington Post). It was when my sweet girl was just a baby that we discovered the joy of Raffi.

Anyone with young children in their lives who doesn’t already know about Raffi should take note of his website http://www.raffinews.com/ and purchase a cd or two or three or more right away.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Kissing 201: Bad News And Good News

The bad news is that you can catch contagious diseases from kissing. Colds, Influenza (including the Swine Flu), Herpes Simplex, Mononucleosis, and Meningitis are among the illnesses that are commonly spread when infected droplets are passed from a contaminated person to a healthy one. Saliva and mucus from the nose and throat are the culprits.

Obviously, you shouldn’t kiss anyone (not even someone you love) who is visibly sick unless you’re comfortable playing Russian Roulette with your health. Always, be on the look out for runny noses, coughs, and cold sores which are among the easiest symptoms to notice. Don’t kiss anyone who has a fever unless you’re prepared to catch whatever it is they have. You can evaluate your partner’s body temperature before kissing them by brushing your lips across their forehead; if it feels warm (or hot) don’t go any further. You can make this look like a sexy overture and not a temp check. A little sexy moan or a tiny lick here and there while you’re lipping their forehead is sure to be convincing. If you’re really bold or simply not sure about the forehead result, suggest playing Doctor and use a thermometer. If you’re lucky, your lover will think you’re heaps of fun rather than a total nutcase.

The good news is that kissing can prevent cavities. Kissing stimulates saliva flow which then cleanses away decay producing food particles. Even better news than cavity prevention is that French kissing (aka tongue dancing) on a regular basis improves romantic relationships (marriage included). Testosterone is received when a woman French kisses her man (see Kissing 101) which revs up her sex drive. Moreover, kissing activates the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that benefits both the kisser and the kissee. Dopamine is the quadruple E-rated chemical that produces Energy, Exhilaration, Euphoria, and Ecstasy.

Do the risks of kissing outweigh the benefits? Sometimes, I’m just not sure and other times, I just don’t care.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Women Who Run With the Wolves

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés, PhD is a certified Jungian psychoanalyst, cantadora (keeper of old stories), poet, and author of The New York Times Best Seller Women Who Run With the Wolves (Ballantine Books, 1992). The subtitle, Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, illuminates the concept of the book. (The term archetype is used therein to define the instinctive blueprint of thought and/or symbolic imagery that comes from the collective experience of the past contained in the individual unconscious of all women in the now).

Multi-cultural myths and folk tales such as La Loba (The Wolf Woman), Vasalisa, The Handless Maiden, and The Crescent Moon Bear are vehicles with which the author engages the female reader so they may reconnect with the wild feminine (their instinctual self) and be empowered by her. Of course the book isn’t solely for women; enlightened men would likely appreciate it as well. The stories are about relinquishing inborn creativity, wisdom, strength (among other innate gifts), and reclaiming them as a birthright. They are about descent and transformation. They are about loss of instinct and resurgence of spirit. They are about the resilience and endurance of the soul.

Stories about the instinctual archetype of the wolf augment those describing the wild nature of women. The value of the wolf metaphor as it relates to the feminine instinctual psyche is made clear on page two of the book where Dr. Estés writes, “healthy wolves and healthy women share certain psychic characteristics: keen sensing, playful spirit, and a heightened capacity for devotion. Wolves and women are relational by nature, inquiring, possessed of great endurance and strength. They are deeply intuitive, intensely concerned with their young, their mates and their pack. They are experienced in adapting to constantly changing circumstances; they are fiercely stalwart and very brave.”

As this fabulous book comes to an end, the author states, “Over my lifetime as I’ve met wolves, I have tried to puzzle out how they live, for the most part, in such harmony. So, for peaceable purposes, I would suggest you begin right now with any point on the (following) list. For those who are struggling, it may help greatly to begin with number ten.”

General Wolf Rules For Life

  1. Eat
  2. Rest
  3. Rove in between
  4. Render loyalty
  5. Love the children
  6. Cavil in the moonlight
  7. Tune your ears
  8. Attend to the bones
  9. Make love
  10. Howl often