Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Best Porn Money Can Buy

Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge (Joone 2009) is the sequel to the libidinously yummy adult dvd Pirates. The all-star, stunning, female cast includes Jesse Jane, Belladonna, Shay Jordan, and Katsumi. Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn (a dead ringer for my friend Mark) and Steven St. Croix (a dead ringer for Will Ferrell) are the able bodied leading men. This film is the ultimate in X-rated Goddess entertainment, perfect for the suburban soccer mom who wants to put some zing in her erotic To Do list.

What’s so great about Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge?

For starters, the production quality (like that of Pirates I) is outstanding and demonstrates what a great director with a big budget can accomplish. The special effects are exceptional. The sets and backgrounds are like nothing you’d expect from your garden-variety porn.  This is, after all, a sex film and the sizzling sex scenes do not disappoint.  You can expect oodles of frolicking pirates and lady pirates, pirate orgies, exquisite unlady-like pirate gals vying for sexual dominance, and one incredibly sexy scene featuring two men and a woman. The beauty of watching an adult film on dvd is that you can skip to the next scene when what you're watching isn't to your liking. The spitting and anal scenes (a little kinky for me) made me think of Dr Mehmet Oz, not in a lascivious way (of course) but in a medical way; some of those scenes look downright unhealthy.

If you liked Pirates, you’ll LOVE Pirates II.  The four disc set includes extended sex scenes which can be viewed without dialog, behind the scenes material, interviews, and bloopers... hours of interesting viewing and great discussion material. I missed the absolutely stunning Janine from Pirates I who, as it turns out, is Jesse James’ (Sandra Bullock’s wayward husband) porn star ex-wife. It’s such a small world. 

Click the links to buy Pirates I and Pirates II.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Good Porn - Bad Porn

It’s no surprise pornography has gotten a bad rap in our movie loving culture.  For starters, consider the origin of the word pornography: 1840–50; <Gk pornográph(os) writing about harlots (porno-, comb. form of pórnē harlot + -graphos). The harsh reality is that most of the porn we’ve come to know and dislike is, in fact, crude, rude, and utterly lewd (not that there’s anything wrong with that if it's what you're taste dictates). The actors aren’t always pretty and neither are the explicit acts captured on film.  Does that mean good porn doesn’t exist?  Is good porn an oxymoron? 

The film Pirates (Joone 2005) is really good porn. It’s so good, I’d almost call it full blown erotica (art dealing with sexual love). The super sex stars of this extraordinary adult film, Jesse Jane, Carmen Luvana, Janine, Teagan Presley and Evan Stone, all have Hollywood looks and bodies to match. High quality special effects, costumes, and super duper set designs are the outcome of a big budget (size does matter in this regard).  The film is so good, I’ve even wondered if the director Joone (whoever that is) could be a west coast movie mogul using an alias. Gore Verbinksi, director of Pirates of the Caribbean, maybe… or someone else, savvy enough to include just the right amount of raw material to keep it from being obvious.

If a picture is worth 1,000 words, then a video clip of Pirates is worth lots more.  The trailer lays bare a solid story line which holds the scrumptiously hot sex scenes together.  The trailer, which only hints at the erotic quality of the film, will more likely than not wet your whistle, make you want pull out your credit card, click the link provided above, and purchase a copy of this movie without any further ado because it’s that good.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Goddess Guide To Watching And Enjoying Adult Films -Ways And Means

There are various approaches to watching and enjoying X-rated movies.  Needless to say, the better the film, the better the overall experience; and as some of you may already know, not all adult films are created equally. Moreover, the way you watch is as important as what you watch. Here are the Goddess Guidelines should you care to indulge:

  • Watch alone with or without your favorite hand or vibrator.
  • Watch with a lover.
  • Watch the film with the sound on.
  • Watch the film with the sound off. Keep your eyes on the visuals and your ears on your favorite genre of music; a cd player is good and an adjacent TV that’s set to cable music channels is an alternative.
  • Watch for educational purposes to get sexy ideas.
  • Watch with prurient interest to get your juices flowing.
  • Watch as foreplay or sex play.
  • One of you can watch and describe what’s happening on screen to an eyes-closed partner (a blindfold might be fun too).
  • Viewing players can act out scenes when motivated.
  • Discussing a scene either partner finds interesting, sexy, awful, or whatever makes for good conversation.
  • Conversation is always desirable.
  • Watch your movie with the sound on one day and without sound another. Discuss which way works better.
  • If either of you have never watched an adult movie, it’s especially important to have a good film choice (one that won’t make your skin crawl or completely offend your sensibilities).
  • If you can’t take the close-ups, you can look away, close your eyes, or find some other distraction that your partner will enjoy.
  • Understand from the get go, you’re watching pornography/erotica (choose the term you prefer).  An adult film, even the best one on the market, should never be appraised in the same mindset as an Oscar nominee. Don’t expect Martin Scorsese as far as directors go; and certainly don’t expect Sandra Bullock or Jamie Foxx in the acting department.  There are a number of adult films, however, starring real actors; these are generally among the best choices.
  • Be sure to keep your adult movie stash safely away from curious children whose should be watching Disney rather than Joone.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Goddess Guide To Watching And Enjoying Adult Films - Introduction

If you knew absolutely nothing about the current roster of Hollywood blockbusters, as you approached the ticket window of a multi-plex theater, how would you make your choice? A selection based on little more than a title or billboard visual is generally a poor method. Avatar, for example, might look like a very ordinary sci-fi movie and Percy Jackson & The Olympians could sound like a British sports film. It’s relatively easy, however, to select a mainstream motion picture thanks to talk show promotions, trailers, commercials, and Oscar nominations.  By the time you purchase your ticket, popcorn & soft drink, you pretty much know what you’re in for. Not so when choosing an X-rated movie.

Civilized women (not to mention Goddesses) do not (I repeat do not) go to XXX-rated movie theaters in which the bottoms of their Frye Boots stick to the floors beneath their feet. Adult film websites, readily accessible via Google, are the logical alternative.  Home pages are filled with unappetizing titles aplenty such as:  14” Tool Time Memories, Liquid Love, Booty Island, Big Trouble In Little Vagina, Pink: The Other White Meat, Sweet Chocolate, or 1000 Facials (which isn’t about skin care). Even if you read the blurbs beneath each title, you’d learn little about the quality of the production, extent of a story line, or the general array of sex acts captured on film. Tacky, low-class, and otherwise unsavory movies dominate the market.

So how might a seeker identify quality erotic material online?  Reputable sites such as (see sidebar) can be found in cyberspace on which their best sellers and top picks tabs reveal popular choices. Even easier than shopping the Internet is this blog in which you’ll soon be advised of the best adult films your money can buy. Chances are, nonetheless, I’m going to suggest movies with big budgets, lots of story, beautiful people, and hot sex that isn’t too kinky. Individuals with a preference for fetish films or a wealth of sloppy penetration close ups are advised to seek information elsewhere.