Sustainable Happiness

Photo by DebRA

Happiness is like a butterfly.
The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you turn your attention to other things,
It comes and sits softly on your shoulder.
~ Henry David Thoreau ~

I think of happiness as a continuum along which there is dense energy (unhappiness) on one side and light energy (happiness) on the other side. The more you partake in things that make you dense, the unhappier you are. Dwelling on darker (denser) topics, revisiting arguments, rehearsing yet to happen unpleasant conversations will never make you happy. The more you partake in things that make you light, the happier you are. The more happiness you put in, the more happiness you get out. It’s that simple.

What makes you happy is dependent upon your values, goals, hopes, and dreams.

What makes me happy?

* Morning Meditation With Gopi Gal Pals

* Getting Together With Childhood Ya-Ya Friends

* Yoga Class

* Full Moon Ceremonies And Drum Circles

* Adventures With My BFF

* Watching Survivor With My Honey

* Sitting Down To A Scrumptious Family Dinner

* Seeing Fairies Hiding In A Beautiful Orchid

Each time you do something that makes you happy (and light), you sustain your own happiness; and in that moment, you send a puff of happiness out into the Universe.

Theme-Park Quality Sex: Survivor Style

If you Google theme-park, previously referred to as amusement park, oodles of options pop up.  Topping the list you’ll find Disney (land of The Magic Kingdom), Sesame Place (land of the beloved Muppets), and so on. The motif of such parks is a unifying idea intended to enhance a visitor’s enjoyment of themed attractions.

So what makes for Theme-Park Quality Sex?  A theme of course!

A sexual theme begins with an idea (like a seed) which given the proper nourishment can develop (or grow) into something extraordinarily FUN. It can start out in simplicity (and remain so) or it can evolve into something more elaborate. The opportunity to enhance a personal theme, given the extent of new media and technology, is endless. Creativity and open-mindedness are key factors.

Let’s explore the inspiration of a Survivor theme (for the millions of fans of the reality TV series).  

First you and your lover watch the show together (it can be from previous seasons on DVD or the current season). You talk about the people, the relationships, the strategies… everything. This energizes verbal intimacy; and all intimacy is good (it’s the fertilizer of love). Hand holding and fondling are encouraged.  This boosts physical intimacy (more fertilizer – kind of like Miracle Grow).  When the viewing is concluded (in real time or there after), lovers may commence Survivor Sex. Perhaps you watch one of the many porn parodies available on DVD. Maybe you’ve purchased a tribal buff of your favorite tribe and wear it and nothing else. Possibly it’s time to have an erotic Survivor encounter in the privacy of your backyard (if you have one). Let your imagination run wild.

All you really need is a kernel of an idea to set your theme in motion.  It’s about intention. It’s about having fun.  It’s about laughing. It’s about creating a spark with which to build a fiery frolic of unforgettable fun.

Living In A Survivor Time Warp

Survivor: One World (season twenty-four) aired February 15^th.  My honey and I reluctantly watched the first episode only because we were getting new HD cable boxes and didn’t want to chance losing the beginning of the current season.  It’s a good thing we took the precaution because the new boxes wiped out our savings.  We lost a lot in that purge including my two appearances on The Doctor Oz Show and an assortment of network and cable shows the family had been meaning to watch.

One World collided with Survivor: Thailand (season five 2002) which arrived via UPS in the same time frame. Getting to know thirty-two people simultaneously seemed an overwhelming challenge. As such, we abandoned our fledgling interest in current tribes Salani and Manono and devoted ourselves fully to Chuay Gahn and Sook Jai.

Episode four of Survivor: One World airs  tomorrow night in real time and Survivor: Amazon (season six 2003) is in transit.  I’m hoping UPS arrives with it today before my honey comes home from work.  Since there’s no dinner prepared for tonight, the presentation of our new (old) season of Survivor would undoubtedly be welcomed and the absence of dinner forgiven without reservation.   If not, we just might step out of our self-imposed time warp, join the real world, and catch up with what’s current.

I hear a truck outside… could it be UPS? One can only hope.

Betwixt And Between Survivor Reality TV Series

Survivor: One World aired this week on CBS. I’d been eagerly anticipating the first show of season twenty-four for weeks.  I offered incentives at work for all to watch, so I could have many loved ones with whom to discuss my now favorite TV series.  Prizes for all who watched were promised as well as official membership in the newly formed Soho Survivor Fan Cool Club.

My love affair with Survivor began with season twenty-three, Survivor: South Pacific. I watched South Pacific like any normal viewer, one episode a week for the duration of the season.  Next I turned my sweet husband onto the series when I ordered the complete second season of Survivor: Australian Outback. He was instantly and happily hooked. From then on, we watched at least one episode a day (or night) if we were both at home (there was an unspoken agreement not to watch alone). Next came season three, Africa and then Marquesas.   

My Sweetie and I now face a seemingly mammoth conundrum… what to do… what to watch.  We’re waiting for Survivor: Thailand (season five) to arrive in the mail.

Our dilemma is this.  How can we possibly watch one current episode of Survivor a week and be satisfied?  No bonus features? No uncut exit interviews? No Early Show interviews? Our conundrum is rapidly becoming a quandary.  Do we save One World episodes on our DVR and watch them all at the end of the season? What if the DVR crashes as it’s been known to do? And what of the Cool Club at work? Club members have yet to discuss the first episode as I haven’t yet watched it. Can my Sweetie and I watch two seasons simultaneously? One in rapid succession and one drawn out S-L-O-W-L-Y over the course of several months?

There’s no doubt my medicine man (Buffalo Horn Cloud) would say, “If this is your problem, you surely have an awesome life.”  And I do.  Aho… Yes…And so it is.

Valentine's Day And Every Day: I Wish You LOVE

Romantic Love, Parent Love, Friend Love, Universal Love

I

Survivor (Reality TV) And The Goddess

The Starbuck’s Goddess

She’s there for you 365 days a year, from morning until night, rain or shine. She’s even available during a national emergency when everyone else is on edge and securely indoors.When you wake up on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s morning and you want your coffee your way, you can rest assured she’ll be there to greet you with her welcoming smile and curvaceous body. 

This is NOT an advertisement for Starbuck’s; but rather an expression of gratitude for a Goddess who's always perfect. I change up my drink from time to time, Café Latte, Caramel Macchiato (Skinny or not), Café Misto, and so on. There’s always one Goddess who never, ever disappoints; and she wears a crown with a big star, high atop her crown chakra.

What am I drinking right now on this 43 degree Fahrenheit rainy day?  A venti, non-fat, no foam, Blonde Roast Misto… and I am happy.

* Season’s Greetings From My Heart To Yours *

May all beings have enough to eat and a safe place to live. May all beings be happy and healthy. May all beings live peacefully and know Universal LOVE.

Harvey’s Wisdom – Destiny’s Embrace

I met Harvey, an amiable gent from mainland China, at a Solara An-Ra workshop on channeling. Solara, one of my all-time favorite spiritual teachers, channels The Pleiadian Council of Light among other loving beings. Channeling, for those of you unfamiliar with this practice, is a means of receiving insights or messages from beyond the everyday parameters of self. Inspirational communications may come from one’s own high self or from extra-dimensional beings.

As the first day of the week-end workshop came to a close and parting hugs were exchanged, Harvey paused before accepting my hug. He explained his cultural/spiritual belief that a hug is an agreement of sorts to meet in the next life. The concept instantly resonated with me; and over the next few days as it percolated within, it took hold in my consciousness as soul significant. It stands to reason, at least in my frame of reference, that the closer a person is to another and the more hugging that takes place between them, the closer their bond in the next incarnation. Of course, one must be partial to the idea of reincarnation in order to appreciate the hugging effect.

I take pleasure in pondering the many huggers and huggees who’ve blessed my life:  my family of origin, husband, children, childhood friends (YaYas), spiritual friends (Gopis), my BFF, Swami, Shaman, work buddies, and celebs including Krishna Das, Deva Premal and Miten. Though concerns do occasionally arise when I contemplate the embrace of individuals I might prefer to avoid in future lives, I remind myself that dense karmic residue is always an opportunity for healing.  And so it is.

I Am Happy I Am Not A Pilgrim Child

I am happy I am not a Pilgrim child,

Pilgrim children had to do a lot of chores.

They fetched water, firewood, berries, and wild plants.

They helped cook, clean, plant, and harvest crops.

They had to bow to the adults.

They had to serve their parents before they ate.

They slept on mattresses stuffed with straw on the floor.

They took a bath a few times a year (Pee Ew!)

Hornbook

I am happy I am not a Pilgrim Child.

My sweet son wrote this original poem in 1999 and mounted it on a Hornbook when he was in Mrs. Hannon's third grade class. It's still hanging in our dining room. Looking at it, especially around Thanksgiving, reminds me to be thankful for my family, friends, and hometown where my children received a loving public education.  

From me and mine to you and yours ~ May your Thanksgiving season be one of abundance and LOVE.

Calendars Shmalendars

Humankind the world over clearly disagrees about nearly everything - politics, science, culture, religion, personal values, etc. You name it, there’s someone somewhere who will refute it. Be it individual, national, global, and probably inter-galactic, there’s variety in all thought and practice. How the coming year (2012) will unfold and ultimately turn out is one of those trendy topics that people are hotly debating.

Scholars acknowledge that the Mayan “Long Count” Calendar marks the end of a 5,126 year period; however, the implication of this is widely up for grabs. Astronomers seem to agree that for the first time in 25,000+ years, during the winter solstice of 2012, the sun will be aligned with the center of the Milky Way possibly disrupting earthly energy. What this means, however, is open to worldly and otherworldly interpretation as well. There are voluminous apocalyptic theories and expectations to go around as well as hopes for a Christ initiated rapture… and that’s just for starters.

In my personal world of spiritual friends, gurus, and scholars who promote a luminously positive way of thinking and being, we believe the ripening of a New Age will be the result of a Loving and Peaceful Universal Consciousness. We are human; after all, so we do the very best we can one breath at a time.

* Meditation * Mantra * Music * Mandala *

Meditation entails any practice used to quiet one’s mind thus enabling the practitioner to focus on the present moment.  Physical activities including yoga, walking, running, sewing, cooking, etc. may focus the mind and empty it of extraneous thoughts. Less physical activities including observance of the breath, mantra meditation (the continuous chanting of a sacred sound or phrase), and guided meditation (following auditory or visual prompts) are also vehicles known to shift brain activity from a stress prone state to a measurably calmer state of being. Meditation is a personal experience; what works for one individual may not work for another.

My Gopi friends (gal pals on a similar spiritual path) all meditate.  They are somehow able to sit quietly, often in lotus position, and empty their minds seemingly at will. Now and again, there’s background music conducive to attaining an altered state of consciousness.  I have what some yogis refer to as Monkey Mind, an overactive cerebral condition which challenges the aspiring meditative mind to be still.  

The meditation practice that works best for me is chanting. When I’m singing Sanskrit mantras, it’s difficult if not impossible for my mind to wander.  Ram Dass, in his latest book be love now, impeccably states what I know to be true from experience, “music has a unique ability to convey emotion, and when it combines with the vibrational quality of a mantra, there is nothing like it to bypass the mind and open a direct route to the heart.”

If you’re a tried and true meditator or if you’ve not yet attempted it, the following meditation tools just might work for you. Included herein are some of my favorite people and inspirations. Click the links provided below for cd ideas, sample tracks, and more.

Krishna Das 

Deva Premal & Miten 

Jai Uttal

Solara An Ra

Healing Mandalas 

Status Update For Buddy

Buddy-Cloots-Baby has been living comfortably next door since her cat-fight and neck injury. Her sutures are dissolved, her fur is growing back, and the vet said she’ll soon forget her former life as an adventurous outdoor kitty. Buddy-Bud (as my neighbor’s been calling her) has the run of a large uncluttered house with plenty of places to play and explore. She has toys. She eats home-cooked beef and chicken in addition to her favorite dry cat food. There’s no doubt that Buddy-Bud is happier living with Mary Ellen than with my family.  She’s no longer living the life of a tormented Cinderella forced to deal with the daily hissy fits of two mean feline step-sisters (Jellie and Scratch).  Life is good.

Blessed Be Beauty In A Bottle

Two years ago, in a moment of bravado, I revealed my real age to Dr. Mehmet Oz on national TV. I was exceedingly happy with his genuine look of surprise upon learning my harsh demographic truth. He attributed some of my good fortune to good genes. My Mom and Dad both had great skin and were on the thin side… thank Goddess! 

Since Dr. Oz last saw me, I’ve gained and lost the same five to ten pounds several times, my face has more wrinkles, and I’m drier everywhere there’s skin. I fondly remember a smoother, moister time –the pinnacle of estrogen.  Am I uptight by the turn of events?  Hell Yeah… what Everyday Goddess wouldn’t be?

I’ve recently started considering my options for minimal facial restoration. There’s beauty in a bottle, beauty in a syringe, and beauty under-the-knife.  Given the fact, I’m afraid of needles and scalpels, the alternatives are limited to state-of-the-art cosmetic remedies all which promise dramatic results.  But do they?

The tray on my night table currently contains: In An Instant products by Heidi Klum (Intensive Firming Serum, Intensive Eye Treatment, Instant Wrinkle Smoother & Instant Warming Scrub), wrinkle Revenge (antioxidant enhanced glycolic acid facial cleanser), Olay Regenerist (micro-sculpting serum, DNA superstructure UV cream with SPF 30), Dr. Robert Rey’s Inhibitox (Instant Wrinkle Erase with Active Exotics), Anew Retexturizing Peel,  Estee Lauder’s Advanced Night Repair, and ROC (Deep Wrinkle Night Cream). So do they work?

The short answer is: Maybe. Without the daily and nightly treatments (not strictly adhered to) I might look drier and wrinklier.  Given my trepidations regarding physician assisted beauty, I’ll continue my quest for the Holy Grail of anti-aging beauty products.  In the meantime, I’ll do the best with what I have – genetically and cosmetically. Sooner or later, I’ll reluctantly redefine Boomer Beauty because in my heart of hearts, I know that something-something will never again look like thirty- something… and it’s not supposed to.  

It Takes A Village To Save A Cat

How sweet is this little girl?

In the spring of 2010 my next-door-neighbor mentioned a stray cat (she’d been feeding) had taken up nightly residence under my deck. My daughter soon befriended the kitty and (much to my hygienic dismay) took to petting and feeding her.  On their sporadic outings, my two kitties (Jellie and Scratch) hissed and chased the interloper. And so it began…

The Christmas blizzard of 2010 turned our neighborhood into a frozen wasteland.  My daughter looked out the front door at the right and perfect time and saw the snow-covered stray walking up the street.  She dashed out the door, scooped her up, and brought her inside.  Needless to say I worried about diseases, fleas, and an uncivilized cat that didn’t know how to use a litter box.  Buddy (as our neighbor called her) was quickly taken to the vet to assuage my feline/human health concerns. My husband attended the check-up and registered her as Nona (short for no name).

Buddy-Nona-Cloots (as my daughter called her) lived with us all snowy winter despite the obvious protests of Jellie and Scratch. The only peaceful place for our now multi-named kitty was a secluded spot in the basement which our elderly mean girls couldn’t reach. As the weather took a turn for the better, Clootsie (as I began calling her) took to the streets during the daytime and returned nightly to my neighbor’s house.  Her latest adopted feline-step-sister Lucky Lady was a lot more accepting than either Jellie or Scratch. I accepted the change of address graciously and considered it an opportunity to practice non attachment (a yoga principle).

Buddy-Nona-Cloots-Clootsie roamed the neighborhood during the day and returned home (next door) most nights to eat and sleep.  A recent cat fight left our little furry girl now with many names (and two families) wounded. I took her to the vet who frowns upon outdoor pet life. Following an expensive hospital stay to address a nasty bite to the neck (too close to her jugular for comfort) and an abscess which required numerous stitches, our kitty has been recuperating next door where she constantly whines to go outside.

We’re all hoping Buddy-Nona-Cloots-Clootsie-Baby (the latest name) will learn to love the security of indoor life where her daily adventures include looking out the window.  It’s more likely she’ll wait for an opportunity to escape as she’s done before.  We can barely control our own destinies, how could we possibly direct the fate of a cat with an agenda of her own?

Beware: The “I”s of Intimacy

The “I” s of intimacy (a.k.a interruptions) abundantly threaten relationships on a regular basis.  Naturally occurring “I”s can’t be avoided no matter how much an individual or couple may try. Such is life.  Many “I”s are obvious to all parties involved while some remain hidden to self as well as others.

* Illness * Injury * Irritation * Immobility * Interference*

Illness and injury top the list of impediments to intimacy. Obviously, when one partner is sick or hurt, it’s plain to see how easily intimacy (physical or otherwise) dissipates.  After all, a serious, painful, or life threatening diagnosis freezes one in their tracks; and all eyes and ears become focused on the circumstances.  Limited mobility, pain, and/or miscellaneous angst all too often declare a silent and insidious war on otherwise loving partners; intimacy is collateral damage.  Short or long term interruptions give way to A New Normal (not necessarily a good one).

When The “I”s of Intimacy strike, there are steps you can take to preserve intimate companionship. Consciously create a New Normal in which there’s always some physical (and verbal) closeness.  Even a tiny bit of intimacy goes a long way. If one partner is in physical pain, for example, and can’t move around in a sexual or sensual way… kissing, cuddling, hand holding, fondling, or stroking…  to the extent it is possible… continually or intermittently… maintains the connection.

Being mindful of intimacy when closeness is compromised-- due to the intricacies of life (IOLs) -- may require nothing more than being a loving presence while watching TV together.  Sometimes the simplest remedies work the best.

Goodbye Summer

Autumn is officially upon us, however, the remnants of summer (my favorite season) remain a while longer. I love the warm weather, in part, for the abundance of attention-grabbing visuals peeking out from bodies unencumbered by clothes and shoes. Greenwich Village, NoHo, and Soho (where I’m happily employed) is always teeming with an interesting array of tattoos and toes.

Body art is plentiful and seemingly mainstream these days. Tatoos creatively express individuality and are best enjoyed without judgment, a task easier said than done. I still remember a drop-dead gorgeous woman conservatively dressed with a thick black zipper tattoo up each arm from wrist to elbow. Beauty is obviously in the eye of the beholder.

There were fewer sandals on Broadway this week – gradually replaced by the latest closed-in footwear. I find looking down at people’s feet irresistible. It’s not that I have a foot fetish.  I’m not turned on by feet in a turned-on sense. I’m simply fascinated by the extraordinary assortment of toes. I wonder if anyone else has noticed that some the most beautiful women have the most unexpected toes.

Although I resist the change of seasons with a less than happy attitude (winter is my least favorite season), I will continue to enjoy the art show on the streets of New York City before cold weather hides everything under wraps of cloth, fur, and leather.

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.  ~ Henry David Thoreau

My Ecstatic enChanting Birthday Bash

This year I’ve decided to celebrate each and every day during the month of my Virgo birthday by doing something Goddessworthy. Spending time with loved ones in celebration of my being is an easy given; but coming up with something meaningful and/or fun is a daily challenge I heartily recommend. 

My simple Everyday Goddess pleasures have included work (with people I truly love), eating my favorite foods (e.g. frozen yogurt and pizza), manicure, pedicure, and thoroughly enjoying messages from my Facebook Friends. I’m loving my presents (e.g. Ganesh charm and sacred candles); although more importantly I’m appreciating the presence of family and friends.

The highlight of my celebration thus far has been attending Omega Institute’s Labor Day Ecstatic Chant. Kirtan is the call-and-response singing of mantras believed to be soulfully transformational (in a good way). Beloved devotional singers Krishna Das, Deva Premal, Miten, Manose, and Jai Uttal were as lovingly present and as brilliant as I knew they would be.  I was accompanied by my BFF, my BSF (best swami friend), two Steves, a Tina, an Yvette, and hundreds of other Bhaktas there for the same reason (to share a day of musical prayer and meditation).  During the final moments at Omega (in the bookstore), I mentioned to my BFF that the only person I hadn’t hugged and kissed for my birthday was Miten. Lo and behold who walks in:  Miten, of course.  I’d just bought Deva’s latest cd, Password. When the hugging, kissing, and chatting was complete, Miten raced off with the cd for Deva to sign.  I love the cd.  Click on the link below for a You Tube sample.

Aham Prema

I am love.

Up All Night

Up All Night, the new comedy series, starring Christina Applegate, Maya Rudolph and Will Arnett is about new parents trying to balance their home life, work life, and baby.  I know all about being up all night and trying to juggle personhood and parenthood. I fondly remember years of on demand nursing (a.k.a. breast-feeding) my two darling children, our family bed, immunizations, childhood diseases including the chicken pox they shared with me, and so on.  After the first five years of being a Mom, I completely forgot how to sleep through the night.

Being up all night has new meaning when your child is no longer that adorable infant or toddler. Chronologically adult children bring new reasons to be Up All Night.

* Up All Night is when your child is away at school during a hurricane.

* Up All Night is when your daughter has a date in a neighboring state with someone you don’t know at all.

* Up All Night is when your child is vacationing far from home with peers.

* Up All Night is when you hear the refrain within your maternal DNA that asks, “It’s ten o’clock; do you know where your children are,” and your don’t.

Although I’ve made some progress in the Not-Up-All-Night Department, I still have much to learn. My dear friend Tina has been trying to teach me that FEAR is nothing more than False Evidence Appearing Real. There’s simply no good reason to worry unless there’s real reason to worry. Now doesn’t that sound easy? Of course it isn’t; but I am trying… one sleepless night at a time.

Semen – A Wonder Remedy For Depression?

Researchers from SUNY Albany published an article in the Archives of Sexual Behavior (2002) supporting a previous hypothesis that the hormones in semen have a mood-boosting effect on women. In February of this year a controversial editorial appeared in the Surgery News which stated, “Forget chocolate on Valentine’s Day, try semen.”

Semen, according to respectable scientists, contains substantial doses of natural feel-good chemicals including endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin, and melatonin. These erotic essences are absorbed through the abundantly vascular vaginal wall during intercourse as long as there’s no impediment (e.g. condom or coitus interruptus).  This is good news for women in monogamous relationships when fears of pregnancy or disease are non issues.

Given the choice between a semen cocktail taken straight up a box of truffles, I’d unequivocally choose the chocolates every time.